I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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