I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
