Me too!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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