I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
