I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You don't make any sense
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