I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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