a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
