Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
