im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
