Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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