Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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