There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
