you guys were way drunker than both of me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
