Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
