Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
