I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
