not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
