we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
