your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
