Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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