I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
