Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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