Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
