Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You made out with two different species that night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
