I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
