Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
