Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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