true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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