theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
