i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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