Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
