I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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