but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
