I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
