just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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