Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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