i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
