Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
