once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
