is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
