I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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