Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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