pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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