Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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