it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
