The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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