when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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