do herpes really smell.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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