Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
