If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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