Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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