I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
