I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
