Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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