i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
