Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
