I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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