Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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