Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
