Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I didn't shave. On purpose
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
