I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
