I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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