Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
