beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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