You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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