Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
