The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
