He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
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Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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